Hyper Chaos of Hellsing
by Incubus-106
Summary: A 14yr.old girl is found in America that is the next of kin to Integeral. She is an insane hyper girl who is to the the future heir of Hellsing, or will Alucard or Integeral kill her first? ( there is OOCness because I am crazy and it flows into my work)
1. An unknown blood

Disclaimer- I sadly, do not own Hellsing, Rammstein, Pirates of the  
Caribbean, or anything else that may appear here.  
  
Chaos of Hellsing  
  
Chapter1- An unknown blood  
  
Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing ran her hand through her long blond hair and took out a cigar. For once, Alucard was not in her office . Not  
  
lurking in the shadows of the room. Not mocking her, and not watching her creepily like he so often does. He was not there, but in his underground quarters.  
  
Which, was a good thing considering what she had been working on for the last three days.  
  
Walter walked into the room looking very tired, and carrying a small vanilla folder labeled " Sage". " I have managed to track her down Miss. Hellsing.  
  
Integral looked at him with sleepy eyes. " Where is she Walter?"

The old butler looked down. " A small orphanage in..California..America."  
  
Integral grimaced. **' Not only is the girl in America, but she is in  
California..just my luck'** She thought.  
  
" Well Walter, I suppose we shall have to go an fetch her."  
  
Walter's eyes grew bit bigger for a second. " We Sir Integral?"  
Integral took a puff of her nearly finished cigar.  
  
" Of course we. I must be there to welcome the newest member of the  
Hellsing family, and possible heir." She said.  
  
Walter looked at her a bit sheepishly. " Of course, my apologizes." He  
said while bowing and leaving to get things around for their trip.  
  
Sir Integral dropped her head to the desk and let it lie there.  
  
" What in god's name am I doing? Hellsing will be completely unguarded  
in my absences. I banish the thought of leaving Alucard to watch after  
it. What a predicament. I suppose I shall not be going..." She whined  
to herself.  
  
Alucard bumped his head on the top of his coffin.  
  
" Owww! STUPID THING!" he shouted flinging the top off. He rubbed his  
head. "Humph!."  
  
He looked around the dark room, his head pounding, and his  
eyes blurry with sleep.  
  
His gaze wandered to the box he had recently found while  
on a mission.  
  
It was a square box, with bold red letters that spelled **" Pizza"**.  
  
Alucard picked it up and smelled it.  
  
" What the hell is this?" he asked himself. The smell had first  
attracted his attention.  
  
He opened the box and pulled out a maggoty slice of what was once  
pizza. He saw the worms crawling all over it.  
  
" Humans..eat this? How utterly vile. Eating dung worms. Blah, the  
human race is so pitiful." He said slinging the box across the room.  
  
He sat down in his chair, his arms crossed.  
**' I'm so bored..Seras..want to play?'**  
  
Seras's voice loomed into his mind.  
  
** ' I am sorry master, but I am currently getting ready for a mission'  
  
** Alucard's lip curled. **' WHAT!? A MISSON!? WHY WASN'T I TOLD!'  
**  
Seras's voice became squeamish in her master's rage  
**' Ummm...because you were not suppose to know.'**.  
  
Alucard pouted  
  
**' And why is that!?'** he thought to her.  
  
**' I don't know, ask Sir Integral'**

-A girl laid on one bunk bed in a room filled with bunk beds. She  
had her arms folded behind her head, and a walkman on her stomach.  
  
Her eyes were closed as she listened to what seemed to be German  
streaming forth from her earphones.  
  
She opened her mouth and sung along with the song.  
  
**_DU HAST  
  
DU HAST MICH  
  
DU HAST MICH GEFRAGT  
  
DU HAST MICH GEFRAGT UND ICH HAB NICHTS GESAGT  
  
WILLST DU BIS DER TOD EUCH SCHEIDET  
  
TREU IHR SEIN FUR ALLE TAGE  
  
NEIN  
  
WILLST DU BIS ZUM TOD DER SCHEIDE  
  
SIE LIEBEN AUCH IN SCHLECHTEN TAGEN  
  
NEIN  
_**  
She shouted to a tune that only she could hear making her sound dumb.  
  
A girl with dark skin, and long black hair looked up side down at her  
from the top bunk.  
  
" Hey Sage, you got any pop for me?...please?!"  
  
The girl on the bottom bunk continued with the strange song, seemingly  
in her own little world.  
  
A look of annoyance came into the girl on the top bunks face. She  
pulled back her pillow, aiming it, and threw it at Sage.  
  
" OY! I SAID I WANT POP!"  
  
Sage jumped hitting her head on the top bunk.  
  
" NO RAY RAY I DON'T HAVE ANY POP! YOU DON'T HAVE TO THROW THINGS AT US!" she said rubbing her head.  
  
Ray Ray looked confused. " Us?" she asked scratching her head.  
  
" Yes US! SAGE AND ME!" she shouted throwing Ray Ray's pillow back at  
her. It hit her in the head then fell to the floor.  
  
Ray Ray gazed at the Brownish-red headed girl before lifting her  
head back up.  
  
" Ok, but when you get some...and you don't want it, I will  
take it." She said.  
  
Sage shook her head, her blue eyes glittered oddly in the dim light.  
  
" Ok Ray Ray"  
  
- Alucard stood behind Integral, who had fallen asleep on her desk.  
He picked up the folder she held in her hands.  
  
" Sage? Is master investing in spices?" he asked himself quietly.  
  
He looked into his master's mind.  
  
**_Integral was in a dress, and stood by a man that looked to be  
a pirate  
_**  
** Integral- But Jack! We must get back the Black Pearl!  
**  
**Jack- yes, I know, but that damned Balbosa told me I couldn't get  
the says something not understandable so you see love, I can't until  
I find the gold ye savvy?  
**  
**Integral Yes..But what about..the...FREAKs? They will be swarming  
this area!  
  
Jack- shakes his head Don't worry love, I'm captain Jack Sparrow,  
I'll save you!  
**  
** Integral- Wraps her arms around him Yes, how could I have  
doubted you!  
Jack- gets an evil smirk as he-------  
  
_Alucard vacates mind quickly_  
  
** " BLAH! MASTER HAS MUSHY FANTAISEIS!" Alucard said tripping over  
himself and falling to the floor. He looked on her desk as a DVD box  
sat on it.  
  
** " Pirates of the Caribbean".  
  
** " Blah! He was.he was..BLAH!" Alucard said picking up the box.  
  
Alucard was scanning over it when he heard the clickof a gun and something jab into his rib.  
  
" Heh...nice to see you up master...have a nice dream about  
Johnny Depp..or should I say Jack?"  
  
Those were the last words he spoke before his head was promptly blown  
off. -Seras stood beside Walter.  
  
She held an official document from the Queen to give to this Mrs.  
Mathews that stated that Sir Integral would make a good parent.  
  
She pulled at her short skirt nervously.  
  
" Walter, you don't think it's improper do you?" she asked the old man  
next to her.  
  
Walter smiled " Yes a bit Miss Victoria, but it will do."  
  
Seras blushed. She just knew that it would be**.  
  
' Stupid clothes'** she thought to herself.  
  
Mrs. Mathews walked through the door dragging behind her the14 yr. old girl they had been sent to fetch.  
  
No doubt she was kin to their master. She looked like a small  
Integeral clone, but with a different color of hair, and shape of her  
eyes.  
  
She wore long baggy pants, and a black t-shirt that had the words  
** "Ice"** written across it.  
  
Her eyes held the same coldness as Integra's did.  
  
Seras smiled brightly at her. " Hello! I am Seras! And this is  
Walter!"  
  
The girl nodded respectfully to them, but remained silent.  
  
Mrs. Mathews sat down and took the letter from the queen from Seras.  
  
" So this Integral has sent all the papers that needed to be signed to  
our office this morning via fax, and this is an astonishing letter of  
recommendation.so..the girl is yours, as soon as I see some ID."  
  
Walter fumbled around his vest and pants pockets until he found his  
billfold. He handed it to the woman. -Alucard, head now formed back, scowled at Integral**.  
  
** Integral, now out of bullets, scowled at Alucard.  
  
Alucard's eyes glittered with fire.  
  
"WHAT IS IT!?" he shouted.  
  
" NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!" Integral shouted back at him clinging to the  
file for dear life.  
  
Alucard lurched for her.  
  
" ALUCARD STOP THIS INTSANT OR IT WILL BE BACK TO THE DOUNGEON FOR YOU!"  
  
Alucard grimaced.  
  
" Just tell me what it is! I am gonna die!**...Again! **common! Tell me! I  
just want to know!" He whined just before a glass vase hit him in the  
face and shattered.  
  
" OW! MASTER THAT WASN'T NICE AT ALL!" he shouted at her while also  
dodging a paperweight.  
  
Integeral picked up the DVD box that had been on her desk and hurled it at him.  
  
" NO! ITS NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW!"  
  
Alucard caught the DVD.  
  
" So ...throwing your lover at me now?" he mocked.  
  
Integral picked up her gun that had been discarded on the floor after  
she ran out of ammunition and threw it strait at his head, where it  
hit it's target.  
  
"Shut your vile trap vampire! You know nothing about it! GO AWAY! I AM  
NOT TELLING YOU! YOU WILL FIND OUT WHEN GOD PROCLAIMS IT SHALL BE SO!OUTNOW! NOW! GO!" she shouted pushing a stunned Alucard out into the  
hallway and slaming the door in his face not remembering he could just walk through it.  
  
But he didn't, he just stared at the door. **-**Sage sat next to the window gazing out of the airplane.  
  
Seras was in the back talking to Walter. " So...how is that Sir Integral is related to Sage again?" said Seras still somewhat confused.  
  
Walter sighed.  
  
"I shall try to explain it once more. Sir Integeral had another uncle that was never known about until recently, not even I knew about him. Sir Integral's grandfather had courted another woman before her grandmother. This had resulted in a child. For some reason, the couple divorced and before they could decide who got the child, the woman rushed off to America." 

"There the child grew and took a bride, and so forth until Sage came to existence." SaidWalter.  
  
Seras scratched her head.  
  
" Ohhhh"  
  
A woman came up to Sage.  
  
" Hun, can I getcha anything?" she asked.  
  
Sage grinned widely.  
  
" I would like a box of sugar packets, and a bucket of ice.!"  
  
The woman looked at her oddly. " Ok..." she said going to get the ordered stuff.

Alucard stood still looking at the door.  
  
He grabbed a nearby painting of Dr. Van Hellsing and threw it at the door.  
  
" FINE THEN! GO DREAM ABOUT YOUR PIRATE LOVER BOY YOU WENCH!"  
  
With that he stormed down the stairs knocking random servants against the wall.  
  
" Stupid woman...sage...Peh!..spices..die.." he muttered to himself.  
  
A wave of annoyance washed over him from his child.  
  
** ' Seras? What's wrong?'** _**-78 sugar packets, and 32 ice cubes later....  
  
**_ Sage acted like she was running while looking out the window.  
  
" I am FAST!" she said before converting to act like she was superwoman.  
  
"WEEEEEEE!" she shouted to Seras who was now sitting right next to her after having taken away all the ice and sugar.  
  
Sage pointed out the window.  
  
" Seras, there is a horsy on the plane's wing pooing, and it says it wants some oats."  
  
Seras sweatdroped.  
  
" Um..yeah." she replied to the hyper girl.  
  
Sage looked out the window in awe.  
  
" It just shit on a baboon named Taco!"  
  
** A/N: Ok that be the end of this chapter, in the next one Sage meets Alucard, and Sir Integral...yesh...chaos insues..O.o**


	2. John Jacob Jingle Highmer Smith and Aluc...

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything else that may appear in this fic. I is just crazy, not rich, please no sue.  
  
Chapter two- John Jacob Jingle Highmer Smith and Alucard  
  
*Seras sighed. ' This isn't going to go well" she thought climbing the stairs leading behind her the girl who not but two hours ago was ranting about baboons. She shuddered at the thought of Sage meeting Integral. ' God have mercy' Sage on the other hand couldn't be more excited, though the baboon phase had now passed. Sage skipped in her long baggy jeans. Seras gave her an odd side-glance. Sage looked at her and smiled widely. "So! What is me new mother like!?" she asked for the 100th time. Seras's shoulders sagged as she barely made any effort to pick her feet off from the ground. "You will see......"  
  
*Alucard banged on his old cell wall. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! WHAT IS SO  
IMPORTANT YOU WOULD LOCK ME BACK HERE! I WILL.....I WILL....TELL ALL THEM  
ABOUT YOUR LITTLE DREAMS OF A CERTAIN PIRATE! LET ME OUT!" he yelled  
from behind the door. But it was to no avail, Integral stood on the  
other side with a smug look on her face. "You do that Alucard.......then  
the men will all know your fear of those little electronic playthings  
called furbies." Behind the door Alucard gasped. "You wouldn't! You  
couldn't" he said crossing his arms. Integra grinned wider. "Oh I  
could, and I will" with that she turned and walked down the long  
hallway back to her office. Alucard sat down legs crossed and pouted.  
"Stupid furby.....ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!" he shouted into the dark. * Seras stepped through Intgeral's door. Integral was seated behind her desk looking rather bored as she was signing paper work. "Sir Integral.....the girl is here." Seras said fidgeting as Integral's cold eyes met her own. Integral looked oddly at Seras, then leaned to the side peering around her. "Um...where?" Asked Integral finding no one there but Seras. The young vampire whipped around. Her mouth dropped wide open. "SHE WAS HERE I TELL YOU! WHERE DID THAT CHILD GO!?" she shouted to herself starting to franticly search for the girl. Intgeral blinked a few times. " Find her Seras, and do make sure she arrives here next time" she said returning to her paper work. * Sage was walking behind Seras when a glorious smell reached her nostrils alluring her to go back down the stairs. She merrily skipped through a long hallway filled with paintings, and to a kitchen. In the kitchen she spotted a box on a table counter. Sage looked back and forth. No one was around. She tiptoed to the box and opened the box's lid. "AH HAH!" she shouted in victory as the contents of the box turned out to be pizza, one of Sage's favorite foods. She grabbed the box and started on the first piece. "Mmmmmmmmmm......gooooooooood" she said walking along a corridor with her prized pizza in hand. She looked this way and that. A look of dread came over her face. "Oh great I have gotten myself lost!" she muttered through a mouth full of pizza. She bit into the slice and found a nice pocket of pizza sauce. " MMMMMM!" she moaned in delight and continued walking down random hallways. * Alucard sat in his dark dank cell. His arms folded he let out a long sigh. He looked to the side of his cell were two large yellow eyes glared at him. "Me furby!" it said. Alucard's face wrenched as he reached out took the furby and once again smashed it into the wall for the 20th time that hour. "WILL YOU NOT SHUT UP ALREADY! I TOOK THE BATERIES OUT FROM YOU, I HAVE BROKE YOU NUMOURS TIMES, JUST SHUT UP YOU EVIL THING! SHUT UP!" * Seras ran down a flight of stairs. "Sage? SAGE!? WHERE ARE YOU!?" She shouted. She ran down the Hellsing's paintings gallery and into another hallway which led to the Kitchen. There she saw a young woman weeping. " Hey, whats wrong with you?" she asked stopping to help the woman. "Some one stole my pizza!" the woman cried. Seras looked from side to side and caught the strong scent of pizza leading off into the next corridor. * Sage clutched to the pizza box like it was a life line. She started to run and turn down random hallways. She saw a door leading outside. ' Well if I go outside, maybe I can find a way back to the front!' she thought racing out of the doorway to the outside world. * Integral looked out of her window. The wind blew softly causing her long blond her to sway back and forth in a rhythmic dance. Her gaze wandered over the horizon. Something from the corner of her eye darted out of the mansion. "A girl? What is a girl-....SAGE! she is heading strait for- I have to.." * Sage suddenly tripped and fell flat on her face. Her eyes welled with tears and blood dripped slowly from her nose. "OW!" she said looking for what had tripped her. She still held fast to the pizza box as she lifted herself up. "A door? A DOOR! I FOUND A SECRET DOOR! YAY! I AM SOOOOO SMART! HA!" she screamed in delight smiling widely. She lifted the trapdoor and hopped down. * Seras had stopped. She could hear screaming. I horrid ear splitting scream echoed through the mansion. Seras ran towards the noise. "Sage!" she shouted almost tripping over a rug. * Sage looked around at the underground tunnel. It was made of bricks. ' I don't like bricks' Sage thought kicking the wall. She got another piece of pizza out from the box. The young girl started to walk. * Alucard banged his head into the wall again. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP GO AWAY!" The furby sat right next to him singing the theme song to teletubies. "I AM GONNA DIE IN HERE! INTEGRAL LET ME OUT YOU WHORE! I NEED OUT! THIS IS HORRID! NO MORE! OUT! I AM GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU SOMEDAY! LET ME OUT!" The furby's big eyes gazed at him. "Its ok Alucard, I will take care of you" it said in its squeaky furby voice. "AHHHHHHHH!" Alucard shouted in aguish. * Sage heard a very loud scream from further down the tunnel. Chills went down her spine. She took a bite of pizza. Suddenly a rush of energy filled her. Her mind swirled. She was.........hyper. "Oh my gosh! I forgot about the monkeys that live in these underground secret mansion tunnels! They live off of bricks the poor things....I must find and help them!" she said with a determined look. ' I need something to brighten the trip' she thought to herself. Suddenly an idea came to her. She started to sing. "John Jacob jingle highmer smith! His name is my name to! And whenever we go out the people always shout...HERE COMES JOHN JACOB JINGLES HIGHMER SMITH DADA DA DADADA DA!" * Alucard could hear someone singing about 50 feet from the door that held him captive with........it. The furby...... suddenly started to sing with the person. "John Jacob jingle highmer smith! His name is my name to! And whenever we go out the people always shout...HERE COMES JOHN JACOB JINGLES HIGHMER SMITH DADA DA DADADA DA!" Alucard shoved his fingers in his ear and started to scream wildly. "YOU EVIL PERSON! I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT! THE STUPID FURBY WAS JUST ABOUT TO SHUT UP! WHY!?!?!? I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!. * Sage came upon a door where the screaming was issuing from. "Ohh the tunnel monkeys must be glad I am here to rescue them from the bricks!" she exclaimed. Her hand pushed open the door. A screaming flash of red shot out from the door. * The door to Alucards cell suddenly opend. He shot for it with superhuman speed. Once out he slammed the door on the furby and turned to the culprit that had cause his torture. "Integral? What in god's name happened to you? You're....chibi...." he said looking amazedly at the young girl that so much resembled his master. "HEY YOU LOCKED ME IN THERE WITH A FURBY DAMN YOU! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Alucard said before a bullet went through his head. * Integral stood behind Alucard, a smoking gun in her raised hand. She looked down to Sage. ' Amazing....she looks so much like me.....odd...' she thought as Sage looked fearfully down at Alucard. "Follow me Sage, you need to have some things explained to you, and some ground rules for living here set." Integral said turning. * Sage looked wide-eyed down at Alucard's body. "You...you killed that man!" she said in a horrified voice. Integral turned to her and grinned. " That shall be explained as well. Come now, hurry" Sage looked down at Alucard "I'm sorry Mr. Person/tunnel monkey." she whisperd to him before tripping on his hand and falling once more on her face. She got up and looked sheepishly around to see if the bricks had seen. She decided they had been looking at the woman instead of her and hurried to catch up with Integral.  
  
A/N: . sorry it took so long people. School, Preciouss, Tae Kwon Do, it all kinda got in the way. Its even short . Sorry, I will try to get more done next chapter. See ya then! ^_^ 


	3. Tv and Alucard

Hyper Chaos of Hellsing  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing nor anything else that may appear in this fic.  
  
Chapter three- TV and Alucard.  
  
A/N When reviewing please do not offer suggestions on the correct spelling of Miss Hellsing's name because everyone seems to have different views on this and believe me I will try to spell it the best I can. Thank you.  
  
Alucard watched the young girl sitting in front of what seemed to him a big box that had millions of people inside of it. It had just been that day when he had overhear Sage requesting it of Walter.  
She has already been here a week and already it had felt more like a year. Integral had almost shot the child when she had called her "Mother" for the 15th time. "Though by blood we are family and I have now adopted you under such circumstances, know that....I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!", Sir Hellsing had been heard screaming in outrage. Sage had gone out of the room with a very shocked look on her face. Alucard had only stood in the shadows and laughed as the child glanced around to see if anyone was looking before she started laughing. * This child has some nerve*, thought Alucard.  
Now, Sage had asked Walter for a "PS2", "Xbox", "CD player", and..........a "TV". What these terms where used for Alucard had not the slightest idea, but he was curious to know.  
He was now watching some people entrapped in that box perform the play "American Pie". *I thought Integral was suppose to help humans........not condone keeping them in a little box and force them to entertain one's self.* He thought wonderingly to himself  
  
"Like warm apple pie........" went the tv. Suddenly Sage busted out rolling on the floor with laughs. Alucard's intrest in this "TV" peaked and he walked behind Sage's rolling form. His eyes narrowed as he tried to decipher what in the hell was going on. His gaze darted to a boy, a pie, and the boy's humping motion on the pie. He suddenly looked closer not trusting his own sight that had yet to fail him as much as he was wishing it was that moment. He bent down to Sage. " Sage....is he...that young man, is he...what the hell?" asked Alucard in confusion. Sage looked at his confused face laughing even harder. She fought for breath as her face turned red and she laughed out all of her air. "HE IS MAKING IT WITH A PIE!" she said gasping for air. Alucard's face went from a look of confusion to one of disgust. "EWWW! I have lived for a very long time, I have seen people kill, rape,steal and lie, but never, not once have I ever encountered the sight of one ravaging a pie! A pastry! What the hell is this world coming to!?" Sage giggled at his outburst. "Hehe...Alucard don't take it so seriously, just stay and watch." Alucard cringed at the suggestion but decided to stay and see just how bad it could get.  
Soon, he was sitting with Sage watching this "film, or Movie". "And this one time.." "AT BAND CAMP!" they both said in unison. "..I shoved a flute up my.." As Alucard heard this he suddenly became very serious and stood up. "Ok that's it, I now know that my previously formed opinion of humans still stands correct. You are all sick.." With that he walked away still disturbed. 


	4. Homework and misconceptions

Hyper Chaos of Hellsing  
  
Disclaimer: Er....shrugs I don't own anything at all.  
  
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Its my fault. I've been reading books and such. My sorryfullness. I hope you like this chapter. I have been trying to make it were when I upload, it will turn out correctly because my computer refuses to let me save as HTML. Gomen.  
  
A limo pulled up to the Hellsing mansion. The driver stepped lightly out and quickly opened the door.  
  
Sage struggled out, a back pack full of books loaded unto her back. She had been attending a private school for girls about week now. She always had tons of homework.  
  
Integra had almost taken her out of the school after she got Sage's progress report and found she had strait A's. She couldn't believe that masked under that hyper stupidity, there was actually any intelligence.  
  
But then again...the she was a Hellsing.  
  
The driver went to take the bag. "No, that's ok, I've got it." Sage said before heaving it up the steps and almost falling down. She stumbled a bit before entering the mansion.  
  
**'I cannot believe that asshole Mr. Bob gave us so much fucking homework!'** Sage thought lugging her bag up the stairs to her room.  
  
When she got to her bed, she threw her bag on it and collapsed in the floor. **' The prick just had to lecture all freaking hour, then give us a report. I love History, but damn I hate homework.'  
**  
She got up and grabbed her book from the bag. "What was that assignment again?" Sage picked up the book and flipped it open to a saved place.  
  
A piece of paper, now crumpled because it had just been shoved in there, read: "Report on Jack the Ripper. Give your opinion on who it was, and give reasons why you think as such."  
  
**'Ok, this shouldn't be that hard. I will er.....just play Clue! IT WAS ER...MRS.SCARLET WITH THE KNIFE IN THE ALLEY! BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS!'  
**  
**'Ok, maybe that's not the brightest idea.'** Suddenly a shadow formed on the wall and out stepped the oh- so- familiar man dressed in red.  
  
"You know, you sound like Police girl" Sage had eyes the size of frying pans. "I didn't say anything!" Alucard took of his hat and glasses placing them on Sage's night stand and sat in a nearby chair.  
  
"I can read your thoughts." He said casually. "Oh really," she replied in an unbelieving tone, "What am I thinking now!?" **'Alucard is fucking hot! Hehe and he is in my bedroom! I should molest him!' Alucard chuckled evilly. **"Actually I am quite cold because I am dead, but I know what you meant, I know I am in your bedroom, and I don't think you would be able to molest me. But of course when you are leader of Hellsing, you could order me."  
  
But Sage was now rolling on the floor laughing. She had known he was telling the truth, but just wanted to see how he would react. He also knew this.  
  
"What are you working on Sage?" he asked already knowing the answer. "Blah! Homework!" she replied making gagging and strangling motions.  
  
"Jack the Ripper eh?" "Yeah..." "I knew him.." "Yeah..WHAT!?"  
  
"He was a low vampire who was really sick in the head. He liked the blood of non virgins for some reason, and liked to keep their organs as mementoes"  
  
"That's really gross" "We was a pathetic vampire" Alucard shrugged. "Well I shall be off now." He said before leaving to go annoy Integra Sage suspected.  
  
"Ok! Now for an outline of my paper."  
  
**The Killer was Alucard Dracula.**

**1.Because he was a weird vampire **

**2.Because he liked to see peoples organs **

**3.Because he told me so  
**  
The next week Sage was looking unbelievingly at her paper. '**He gave me a  
C! THAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A C! And he says only because he likes fantasy  
novels did I even get that!'  
**  
'Integra is going to kill me....'  
  
A/N: Sorry it was not so funny this time. But I hoped you liked it  
anyway. Please R&R! Byes!


End file.
